dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Terrible idea I love it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
