i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
