your room smells of hookers.
And success
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
