There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
