I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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