Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
