The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
