Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
