Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
