Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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