just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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