i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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