I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
