Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
