if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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