i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
