So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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