Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
