Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
