He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize