I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
