I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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