I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do herpes really smell.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
