Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
