im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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