Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
