I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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