I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
