Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
