O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize