i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
