the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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