Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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