Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
