when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
