just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
