Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
