Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
