Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
