just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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