He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
