i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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