so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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