Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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