the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fuck appropriateness.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
