My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
