She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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