Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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