She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
