I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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