lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
