This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
