meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
