Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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