You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
