aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
