I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
