Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
